First Reading – James 4:1-10

“…The fact is, you do not have what you want, because you do not pray for it.  You pray for something, and you do not get it, because you pray with the wrong motive, of indulging your pleasures. ….

God opposes the proud but he gives his favour to the humble.  Give in, then, to God; resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Draw close to God and he will come close to you…”

My prayer:  Lord, I have so many wants in this world.  Every single day, I am bombarded by the worldly possessions of other people that I don’t have.  I see how they live and I haven’t experienced it.  I know happiness is not what they seem.  Everyone will always look happy in pictures, in Facebook.  We only reveal our true self to chosen and trusted few.  I am a happy person right now, but I want to guard myself against envy and lust for the things that will not make me pure.  I struggle for simplicity in this vain world.  Again, asking for continued Wisdom and Humility to resist the excess, to enjoy the Godly.

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Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 55:7,8,9,10a, 23

“Throw your cares on the Lord, and he will support you.”

Today our family received an expected financial blessing from God.  I kept praying for an added finances and I proclaimed it will be given.  Last year, we came up short of our budget due to overspending and we don’t have the slightest idea how to fund the next school year’s tuition fee. Despite our predicament, I continue to tithe and pray for abundance.  I decided not to short change God  just because I was careless in handling  his gifts.  The continued prayer was granted, but the way of the Lord is unexpected.  I had been praying for a specific amount and our merciful God has never failed me.  To God be the glory!

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Gospel: Mark 9:30-37

“If someone wants to be first, let him be last of all and servant of all”

“…After all the times the disciples spent with Him (Jesus), they could still not get it.  Yet Jesus continued hoping and believing in His unruly lot. He did not give up on them.”                                          – Fr. Jonathan Advincula Bitoy, CMF

Reflection:  Jesus was a patient teacher.  Someone who is slow to anger.  A consistent teacher who walked his talk.  As a member of a group who struggled to pledge a no-yelling policy to the children, I am at a lost.  I was raised in a family where yelling was a norm.  I am now implementing upon myself to do otherwise.  Most of the time, I go back to Day 1 to start over.  Sometimes I think it’s futile, I don’t think I can make it.  My kids don’t get it, or was it me who doesn’t get it yet.  If I will pattern my teaching style with Jesus, I will patiently hold on to the hope that someday they will do their chores without being told to, they would start putting the toys away, I would see a clean bedroom, they will throw dirty clothes in the laundry basket and not on the floor, and so on…

Just last night, I did not get any sleep at all because my princess kept crying on the bed beside me.  I got cranky myself because I had been sleep deprived since last week.    At first, I tried to find out what she wants, but for an hour she did not stop.  I found out, her colds got worse and she found it difficult to breath, but only after I lost control and yell.  I forced myself to get some medication for her, and some water.  I massage her back, put her head on my lap and comforted her until she slept.

I tried to fight back tears while singing her a song, so she could sleep.  There were a lot of could haves.  I could have just find out the first thing that made her cry, instead of just trying to put her back to sleep.  She was in pain and I was not able to see it at first because I was selfish.  I want my sleep and I’m going to get it.  I forgot that my being a mother entails sacrifice. Why do I forget that?

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God our Father, until now I fail to be gentle.  I am only at my best if the situation is according to how I planned it.  How can I pass the test?  They say character is tested through adversity.  The slight provocation and slight inconvenience angers me.  I know now why I kept on yelling, it is because I lack humility and gentleness.  How can I serve You if I keep exercising my authority over my children and fail to serve them when they most need me?  I’m not here just to tell them what to do, but also to be with them when they needed to be comforted.  I pray for forgiveness because I failed again.