Say it once, turn around, and walk away   – Monday action plan from the book Have a New Kid by Friday

I miss my boys, I miss the noise, they had been away for a week and since it’s a weekend, we let them sleep in our room.

I was tired and exhausted and found the boys, with my only princess playing rough in the sofa bed.  I was worried that they would hurt my only girl with their rough housing.  Wanting to have some peace and go to bed early I decided to ask them to do the same.

I told them, and made sure they hear me.  I said, “Tama na yan, baka masaktan si baby.  Tulog na tayo, ayoko na ng maingay kasi pagod na ako.  Ayusin niyo na ang bed niyo para makatulog na tayo.”  (That’s enough, I don’t want the baby hurt.  Let’s go to bed, I’m tired and I don’t want any noise.  Make your bed so you could all sleep).

They stopped for a while just to hear me speak, then they go about playing again.  A few seconds after I spoke, they were at it again.  I was hurt and offended.  It was like, I didn’t matter.

Though I miss them so much and wanted them to sleep in our room, it was the perfect time to administer the tough love Dr. Kevin Leman was talking about in his book – Have a New Kid by Friday.  His Monday action plan was, Say it Once, turn around, and walk away.

At that moment, I tried to assess the situation.  Okay, I have said it – done, I guess I turned around because I’m here on the bed ready to call it a night, but there is one problem.  I could not walk away, it was my bedroom.

The book says, if there would be disobedience, you take away a privilege that they usually enjoy to mean what you say.  To tell them, you mean business.

It didn’t take long for me to think.  I spoke again and this time I said.  “Okay boys, you can all get out.  Go back to your own room.”  I took away their privilege to sleep in our bedroom.  They love sleeping in our room, and it’s a weekend.  They enjoy the weekend sleepovers.

My second born obeyed without complaining.  He stepped out of their sofa bed and went back to their room.  It took my 3^rd boy to realize what just happened but he obeyed all the same.  He picked up their pillows and blankets and walked out.  My firstborn looked at me and though not speaking, wanted to plead his case.  He just sit there and looked at me for a long time.

I could have changed my mind.  I miss them and they were away for a week.  It was their first night to be home again.  I could have said, “alright then, you can all go back.  Just be quiet this time.”  But that was it, that was the problem.  For 13 years, I had been a wimpy mom who takes back my word for fear of hurting my kid’s feelings.  They have been disobeying me for years and my pleading were falling on deaf ears because all I knew was threat then taking them back.

Last night, I decided to have no more of it.  My firstborn finally uttered, “Mommy…” which was his way of trying to change my mind.  I thought, okay maybe this was the teachable moment Dr. Leman was talking about.  I was pondering, will I say something?  Should I explain?  Goodness, this is new to me?  Finally, I decided to explain, being very careful not to nag which was also my very nature.  I told him, “I have spoken Josh, I told you to be quiet, I told you I’m tired.  You disobeyed, you just made me feel like I didn’t matter.  Go back to your room now.”  I think what I did was a mistake.  The explaining thing.  But hey! It was a new concept to me, I deserve an A for effort  .  It was such a difficult feat.

My firstborn son got up on his feet, walking or more like stumping out of our bedroom.  He was mad, he had developed an ATTITUDE!  Instead of saying sorry for disobeying me, he was mad at me.  I calmed down and refused to go after him.

I will go back to my book and review how to handle kids with attitude.  I would have to address one character at a time.  I miss them but the days of being a wimpy mom is over.