Am I gentle?  Sometimes, maybe.  I love my kids, that’s for sure!  But gentleness is not yet in my vocabulary.  I get irritated at the slightest provocation. 

Sundays, we begin our family day with the Holy Mass at The Feast Makati (a daily Catholic gathering which starts with the Eucharistic Celebration).  Yesterday, Father Patrick slams me hard on his homily when he discussed about being gentle.

His exact words are, “Mothers who are gentle will have successful and happy children.”

Self-check:

Am I gentle?  Sometimes, maybe.  I love my kids, that’s for sure!  But gentleness is not yet in my vocabulary.  I get irritated at the slightest provocation.

My 13-year old son was beside me during the homily.  I looked at him.  He seemed so serious and deep in his thought.  Was he listening or was he somewhere else.  I was tempted to ask him if he thinks I’m a gentle mom but I was afraid to ask.  I was seriously afraid to ask my first born son because I was afraid of the obvious answer.  I decided not to.

My first born son puzzled me. What was going on in his mind when Father Patrick ask about gentle moms?  I was a new mom when he came into my life.  I was so unprepared with everything.  He became the recipient of all my frustrations, my erratic behavior, my emotional turmoil, among other things.  Of all my kids, he is the most emotional child I have.  Thinking about how I treated him in the past because of my immaturity puts me to shame.  The guilt is overwhelming!

When we got home in the afternoon, I felt a hug behind me.  “I love you Ma,” while he plants a kiss in my cheek.  They’re all like that – my boys and my baby girl. They would hug and kiss me whenever they feel like it.  I thank God they feel like doing it every single day, several times a day.

 “I love you too Josh,” I kissed back trying to hide the tears.  I’m getting so emotional these days, must be the age 🙂

I guess despite my cruelty as a mom before, my past did not define my present and future (thanks to Bro. Bo and his well-written book Your Past Does Not Define Your Future).

They love me.  My boys and my princess love me.  My mistakes, inconsistent ways and undisciplined way of discipline were too many to mention, yet they were very forgiving.

“God is good and forgiving.  He can always change us if we ask Him,”  concludes Father Patrick.