My maternal uncle just died and we are going to his wake today.  It was cardiac arrest.  The last time I saw him was more than 3 years ago.  I’m not really big on reunions.  My deepest sympathy goes out to my aunt and my 3 cousins who survived my uncle.  I could never imagine how they feel right now.

Death would remind me of relationships.  When someone dies, it would always makes me think how much time we really committed to that person before his passing.

I remember more than 20 years ago, it was my first job after college.  My dorm mate Cecille called me up from the office.  She said she wanted to see me. It’s been awhile and she would always remind me of the song “Lately” by Stevie Wonder.  We used to sing that song in our room at night.  We like the song, most especially when we get to the part where we yell the line, “I’m the man of many wishes, hope my premonition misses.  What I really feel, my eyes won’t let me hide.  Cause they always start to cry.  Cause this time could mean good bye.” 

That is how I remember her.  How we would sing our heart out and start laughing when we can’t reach the note any longer.  It’s sad, because all I have now is my memory of her.  I couldn’t even remember her last name.  That call more than 20 years ago, that request when she said that it’s been awhile and she wanted to see me was never realized.  It was still vividly clear when I told her, I’m going to call her back so I could schedule a Saturday meeting with her.  She gave me her number and beg me not to laugh when I see her.  I was curious though and she explained that she gained a lot of weight.

That promise to call back was forgotten and was put off for weeks.  I can’t remember what I was busy about during those days.  I was 20 years old and had so many things going on, maybe.  But the things is, I forgot my promise to call back to schedule a meeting with her.  I didn’t understand because I also wanted to see her.  She was one of my close friends from other school, back in college.

When I finally remember to call her back, after a month or so, I dialed the number she gave me and a woman from the other end of the line asked who I was.  She sound confused.  The woman asked me when the last time I spoke to Cecille was.  I started to get confused myself and inquired what the problem was. She hesitantly informed me that Cecille died giving birth to her child.  You could just imagine my shock.  It took all my strength just to reply back.  All I could asked the woman was when.  I couldn’t even remember her reply.  I don’t remember what happened after that, all I could remember was the guilt.  I put off seeing her because I know there will always be time to see friends.  I did not remember that we are mortal beings who could die tomorrow or the next day.  We were young that time, I was 20 and she was too.  She’s not supposed to die, not on my vocabulary.  She’s not even supposed to be pregnant.  But she was, and that what was she was trying to tell me.  She was pregnant and she wants to tell me.  She wants to see me and I put off her request because I thought there will always be time.

That was what I thought.  That’s what we all tell ourselves when we put off relationship to do what we think is more important.  I miss her but I could never tell her that again.  She’s gone.  But her story is a part of my story.  It’s my life lesson never to trade off my time with my family and friends with any fleeting entity.

“I’m the man of many wishes, hope my premonition misses.  What I really feel, my eyes won’t let me hide.  Cause they always start to cry.  Cause this time could mean good bye.”